Board Thread:Off-Topic Activities/@comment-32349266-20181203072659/@comment-26877467-20181210160025

I bowl a pure lithium rounded cube coloured a very dark grey with red lights flashing really bad knock-knock jokes in Morse Code down the lane. The cube was previously owned by a used car salesman, and was stolen off his desk. The cube has a grid on one side, splitting it into 9 squares. The red lights mainly come out this side. Each square on this side is a button with a number from 0 to 8. Pressing the buttons will vary the intensity of the light. On the side opposite of the flashing grid is a laser beam, almost as large as a headlight on a car. Pressing the numbered buttons changes the colour and effect of the laser. Pressing 0 turns the laser off. Pressing 1 turns the laser into a regular beam of just light, coloured red. Pressing 2 makes the laser flash for help in a white light. Pressing 3 transforms it into a low-intensity heat beam. Pressing 4 makes it a high-intensity heat beam. Pressing 5, 6, 7, and 8 are programmable by the user using the cube's special website and a universal serial bus cord. On one of the other sides between the laser and the flashing grid, is a fancy logo of the company that made it. The logo is a bunch of angry ravenous roses next to a flaming fire hydrant. Beneath the logo is a slot to insert a disk, with an old worn eject button. On the side to the right of that is a magic energy spring that never wears out, unless you insert a green disk with a file that disables the spring. On the side opposite of the company logo is a screen with a face. Behind the screen is a pair of cameras, some microphones, a speaker, and a few other various sensors. This is the interface for the AI within the cube. On the screen is three green lines making a face on a black background. The AI is quite friendly, and really enjoys the company of others. On the side of the cube opposite of the magic spring is a handle, a USB port, an HDMI port, and a power button. The AI has disconnected the power button, and it does not work anymore. The handle is slightly uncomfortable to hold on to because of it's smallness and proximity to the cube. The USB port currently has a comically short USB cable plugged into it. The cube has been very well polished and has a small coating of slippery wax that smells like pomegranates.